As we look towards the new year so many of us start to think about our goals and ambitions for 2016…what would we like to do/achieve/stop? We often look to others for permission to ‘be’ and to feel good enough, this regularly results in us trying to force ourselves to behave, look or feel in ways that aren’t real or true to who we really are.
We can all feel as though we are uncared for or unloved when we don’t feel seen or heard. This is often as a result of people being unable to communicate with us in a way that we feel we need. When we are dependent on validation from other people, we internalize that void as a reflection of ourselves and our worth. We are often seeking love, care and affection from people who are so consumed by their own stories that they are unable to see where they ‘end’ and we ‘begin’…what follows is a projection of their needs and faults which we absorb as our own. This doesn’t mean that these people are inherently bad, in most cases, participants are not even conscious of the process within which they are engaged. They’re inability to meet our needs is not evidence of a failing on our part, nor does it mean that we are in some way unworthy of their time or attention but it does mean that we need to consider the patterns within which we play a role and question whether we want to do something differently.
Recovery is not about changing who you are, it’s about honouring it. In doing so we gravitate toward and attract people who are not only able to meet our needs but also champion our own individual stories without merging with us. We are not too much. We are love. We can turn inward toward that love and we can show love and kindness toward everyone and in particular to those who find it so hard to show love and kindness toward themselves and others. We can do this without abandoning ourselves.
Could 2016 be the year that you celebrate who you ‘really’ are? The year that you turn inward for permission to be and the year that you decide to play a role in the story of your life that you feel excited and passionate about? Happy New Year Everyone…we believe in you.
Emmy & The Team at The Recover Clinic.