The Unsatisfying Truth Of Not Being Okay (For Now!)

I am okay.

Three words you might have tried repeating to yourself over and over, with the insane urge to be okay.

We are often reminded to move on and to let go. But are we truly ready to do so?

When we find ourselves going through traumatic events, each of our cells is profoundly shaken up. It greatly impacts each level of our being; it leaves scars on our bodies, tensions in our souls, and knits in our spirits. So when you go through any sort of trauma, your whole being needs time to recover. While you are the very hero of your own healing, there’s no rush to force the process. 

Forcing the natural flow of life would actually put you through additional traumatic emotions you might not be ready to feel. When I say don’t force the natural flow of life, it doesn’t mean you will stay stuck in this mental or physical state, it’s quite the opposite. It’s allowing life to bring you – at its own pace – the love you need to heal yourself. It’s allowing yourself to feel things without trying to suppress them, without trying to shut your emotions down because it seems safer. I know it seems safer, but it’s draining. And useless. You can’t stop yourself from feeling things. What you see as a way to protect yourself might actually be a way to punish yourself. This guilt that you constantly feel about a certain situation, it won’t go away by punishing yourself, by preventing yourself from experiencing joy and happiness. You don’t have to put yourself through so much. You don’t have to do anything, to deserve health and happiness. You have the right to believe in yourself and to believe that you deserve great things. If this means starting by eating regularly, every day, or allowing yourself to order what you want at the restaurant, then that’s more than enough for now. Take the steps you need, no matter how small they seem to someone who’s not familiar with what you’re experiencing. It’s not their story. It’s you, trying to battle the thoughts and fears of not being enough, worth it, lovable, wanted, and all the amazing adjectives you can describe yourself as. These adjectives will resonate with you at some point. Be okay with that it might not be the case for now. 

You can’t overcome all that self-hatred you put yourself through for so long, all at once, without acknowledging its existence in the first place. This means allowing other feelings (shame, anxiety, stress, guilt, and other feelings you might be very familiar with) to arise too. They are here. Your uncomfortable feelings need to exist. They might take up a lot of space at the moment, but they will go away. It’s all the emotions you experienced at some point but couldn’t deal with. It’s the leftover trauma. But this also means your emotional abilities to deal with certain situations have improved. This means you have taken the very first step towards freedom and started accepting the reality you live in while knowing exciting things are to come.

By remaining calm during the storm, may it be internal or external, you send a signal to your body that you’re ready to move on, even just a little. That you feel safer than before, and that you’re okay with the trauma ending. I talked about accepting the uncomfortable place you’re at right now, but it’s also important to accept that you’re moving on. You don’t really know where you’re heading to and that’s frightening, that’s scary, that’s uncomfortable. That’s the in-between. If you’re feeling this right now, it means things are moving. Those situations and thoughts, that once felt unbearable, are fading away from you, leaving you the space you need to expand.

Pay attention to yourself and to the greatness you have to offer the world. Things are blossoming inside you.


Written by Agathe Podevin (@agthhee),
Guest contributor

Agathe is a 17 year-old french student who started her healing journey after a period of disordered eating.


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Posted in , by Agathe Podevin