Freedom. Self-acceptance. Growth.
When I think about recovery these three words speak volumes to me. I used to emphasise recovery heavily on weight restoration but now I realise this is just a side effect of healing trauma. Similarly, rebuilding a healthier relationship with food happens when you work through the pain that the eating disorder is protecting you from.
Longing for freedom keeps me motivated to recover even when I’m struggling. For me it underlies many concepts of what I wish for in a fulfilled life; being my authentic self, food freedom and spontaneity. It’s unrealistic to strive for a life without any problems, but I think how lovely it would be to have a space within me where I can always go to feel free.
Self-hatred is sadly one of the main reasons why we develop an eating disorder, but it is important to remember that we weren’t born this way. No baby innately hates themselves. We internalise messages that have been fed to us over the years to build up negative core beliefs about ourselves. We then subconsciously look for information that confirms them until they accumulate into a big ball of self-hate. Debunking my negative core beliefs alongside learning about who I am at my core has led me on a path to self-acceptance. At the moment I’ll settle for self-acceptance but one day I hope it can be self-love.
The recovery journey is one that I see lasting a lifetime. For me, a huge part of recovery is about personal growth and development. The clinic I’m at has given me the building blocks I need to be able to go into the big wide world and discover more about who I am. I believe that the insight into myself and the eating disorder along with the new, healthy coping mechanisms I have developed will keep me safe. I trust that when I leave, I won’t be at risk of being a detriment to myself and turning back to self-harming behaviours to cope with my pain. But as people we are always changing. My life, relationships and self are dynamic. Therefore, recovery cannot be static. I see it as a lifelong process where I will always be growing, maturing and developing. Learning about myself is fascinating and there are infinite possibilities out there of where it can take me. I’m excited to discover what I’ll invite into my life.
Written by Hollie Fisher,
Recover Clinic client
DON’T SUFFER IN SILENCE
If you or a loved one may be suffering with trauma, an eating disorder, body dysmorphia, anxiety or depression we are here to help. Reach out to our friendly advice team today.
WRITE FOR US
Have you struggled with an eating disorder? We’d love to hear from you! Whether you want to share your story or an inspirational/motivational piece for those in recovery or who are thinking about getting help, you could help others who are experiencing similar thoughts, feelings and behaviour. We’re open to all ideas and you can be anonymous/use a pseudonym if you prefer.